Hagbard Celine

A submarine genius (sub-genius) that is the major protagonist of Shea and Wilson's ILLUMINATUS! trilogy. He first appears in Vol. I, The Eye in the Pyramid, looking at an analysis his computer, FUCKUP, has made of the global situation and sends a message out: Activate Malik and prepare Dorn. This message triggers the events that lead to the majority of the present day happenings leading up to the May 1 denouement of the trilogy.

Though he is said to be the son of a a Sicilian pimp and a Norwegian prostitute, there are many and varied theories about his background. One source claims he is the man variously known as Cagliostro, the Count of Monte Crisco, Nemo, and other names. Another, more canonical, indicates that he is descended from one Sigismundo Celine's family, and that Cagliostro is an ancestral uncle rather than the man himself.

Celine himself may be responsible for much of this disinformation, as he is an active participator in Operation:Mindfuck (OM) and has been known to give cards to folks saying "Think for yourself, schmuck!" to everyone. In that light, everything about him, including everything in this article *FNORD* should be viewed in that light.

However, in light of the fact that the suppressed plot synopsis and intro to the second 2 volumes of the Trilogy were never reprinted in the trade paperback compilation, we should take the assertion by the Omniscient Narrator there that he is half Norwegian and half Sicilian and has a raft of Irish relatives in Ohio named McGee and Marlowe at least somewhat seriously. As anyone who takes their Wold Newton Family studies anywhere near seriously (see Wold Wiki for more information), this leaves the postulate that he's Doc Savage's half-brother, conceived after the storm that supposedly destroyed the schooner, Orion, and killed Doc's mother, should be taken somewhat seriously, especially as the Barbados area of the time was still relatively rough and unexplored, and known to have white slavery active. (Do you believe that?)

In any case, Hagbard reputedly had a half oriental son, who was one of the lead characters in the as yet unpublished sequel to ILLUMINATUS!, "Bride of Illuminatus!", which Shea and Wilson worked on off and on during their life time. Whether this work will eventually see print some day in this Universe is the matter of some heated speculation among Those Who Know……

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License